100 Things Retired Guys Should Avoid - sample reading

#1. AVOID NEGATIVE ANTICIPATION

Remember when you were a kid, how you looked forward to almost everything in a positive way? From the time you woke up in the morning until you went to bed you were looking forward to something, and ninety nine point nine percent of the time what you were looking forward to was either fun to do or good to eat. You spent much of your time anticipating good things coming your way (except of course getting bush whacked on your way to school by that bully, Jimmy Finklestein) and most of the time those good things did come your way. You were experiencing a life of positive anticipation and what's more, you didn't even have to think about positive anticipation to make it happen. It just did. It was a natural part of your life. Wow! How cool was that?

Pretty cool alright, and as you grew older this positive anticipation just naturally followed in your footsteps. You went from kid anticipation for things like playing with your pals, swimming, bike riding, ice cream, root beer floats, fishing, tree house building, camping out, trips to the zoo, corn on the cob, sleep overs (well, I know you still like most of these things, but face it, it's not exactly like when you were a kid) to anticipating big kid stuff like high school and college football games, sock hops, drive-in movies, dating, sex and graduation.

After that you had plenty of positive anticipation about your new jobs, your new car, your wedding, your first child - and your second or third, your rise in the company, trips to the ocean, adult friendships, clubs, your first house. As time went on you had lots of positive anticipation related to becoming a professional in your field, accumulating wealth, making a place in the community, investing, watching your family grow. it was lots of fun.

Then something happened. Right around your fiftieth birthday, negative anticipation started to creep in. One of your good buddies dropped dead from a heart attack. The company got sold and job security became a concern. Who hires a fifty year old? Some investments turned out to be stinkers. That second mortgage wasn't looking like such a good idea after all. Paper work to keep your little empire together started to become a monster. Taxes got spooky. You threw your back out lifting something heavy. You started to gain weight. Your kids got so busy supporting themselves, they hardly had time for a phone call. Some doctor stuck his finger up your ass and found a lump. On and on it goes and life took on a serious note that wasn't part of your positive anticipation program at all.

Now you're sixty five and you try not to get too excited about anything because it's more likely to screw up than it is to succeed. This is negative anticipation. How bad is that? Very.

The deal is, you (and a couple hundred million other retired guys) have fallen for the oldest trick in the cultural book. It's sometimes called the old guy's fear factor. You pass the midway point in your life and you get fearful. So what are you going to do about it? For starters, you can quit watching CNN and eliminate lots of cultural shin-ola that just drags you down. Next, you might familiarize yourself with the whole negative anticipation phenomenon.

What is negative anticipation? It's anything that gets in the way of positive anticipation. Negative anticipation is anything that causes unreal pause, doubt,fear, worry, arguments, depression, loss of sleep, broken promises to yourself, lack of will, lethargy, bad breath and common indignity. It's a retired guy's worst enemy because it ruins your good vibes. Avoid it like the plague.

How does one avoid this evil empire monstrosity? Good question. I recommend focusing on your positive anticipation energy. Some light-weight philosophers in the crowd would call this "thinking positively." Easier said than done. Thinking positively is one thing,but acting positively is another kettle of fish altogether.

Let's try an example. Let's say you have a desire to go to Paris for your seventieth birthday. You've always wanted to visit Paris, but you were always too busy or too broke to make it happen. In all those years you never even got a passport. But now, for some reason, it just seems right that you go to Paris for your seventieth. You've been thinking about this for awhile - even though you haven't told your wife, and you are filled with that old time positive anticipation. It feels great.

But then after a couple of super positive anticipation days, guess what happens. Negative anticipation sneaks in. You start thinking stuff like "Gosh, what if I have a coronary on the airplane? - Or on the streets of Paris? What if my passport application gets hung up somewhere and I have those expensive tickets and hotel reservations in France? What about the garbage bill that comes due while I'm gone? What if I get there and I don't like it? What if my wife hates Paris? What if I get mugged? Maybe I'd better forget the whole trip and mow the grass instead." You know, stuff like that.

I'll bet you never had this kind of negative anticipation when you were thirty five years old. If you'd had the dough in those days, you would have been off like a shot and never given it a second thought.

So how do we combat this situation and go have a nice birthday in Paris? First of all, you have to recognize what's happening and identify negative anticipation for what it is - an evil ruse to get you to drop out of active living. Here's what you do. You fight fire with fire. Be calm and take one step at a time. Don't even open the door to any negative notions - and don't think about consequences. Just think ahead and get that passport before you ever make the first plane ticket inquiry. The passport assignment is the only goal you want to think about right now. Just get the damned passport. think of it as your escape ticket just in case you ever need to dematerialize from Pleasant Avenue South in Wherever, U.S.A. An official U.S. passport will give your positive anticipation department a real shot in the arm.

Step two is to make sure your busy retired guy schedule is actually clear for the trip. I mean, it would be pretty messy if you had a scheduling conflict with your Saturday night Bingo group, ya know? See how dumb this negative anticipation thing can be?

Now you've got your passport and cleared your schedule. Good work. (You might check on your wife's schedule too while you're at it). Next, you book yourself a hotel room in Paris. Not being able to speak French is no problem even though negative anticipation promised it would be. Be sure to get a room in a nice part of town. Finally, you spring the good news on that wife of yours. be prepared for a rush of excitement followed by a rash of negative anticipation. Have nothing to do with the rash. Don't try to solve any problems because you've already solved the big one. That's YOU.

Follow up by heading to your favorite men's store for some decent traveling cloths and then go home and mow the grass. The moral of the story is, if you can approach your daily life in the same manner as you approached going to Paris, you'll be a better retired guy over all. Negative anticipation will never give up trying to blow out your every little endeavor, so you'll have to be on guard all the time. The good news is, however, once you get used to fending off negative anticipation, you'll probably find that you are a much more positive and happy individual.

Thanks for reading. I'll post more of the 100 things retired guys should avoid in the weeks to come. Comments and chat are encouraged.